I feel like, no one judges me here, while Facebook is a place where I'm automatically judged. Its my writing sanctuary here. I could write what ever the fuck i want, and people don't HAVE to read it. I feel like, Facebook forces you to read things, and forces you to judge a person. And lately, i feel judged.
I feel like every time I go out with my so called "friends" I'm judged. Its like, ill try to get into a conversation, but except I cant talk about how bad my six pack is, or something like that, I'm judged. I also feel like, maybe they aren't my friends. as much as they want me to come out with them, and go out to dinner with them, I'm never in the conversation when I do. and when i go to clubs, its like, COME AND SAY MY NAME AT THE DOOR.....okay...i will, now, will you hang out with me while I'm there supporting you and your event?
I was judged on my birthday, and I just let it slide. These group of friends were celebrating anothers birthday that nite as well. and I left a few Facebook posts saying it was my birthday too, and id be there. I was immediately judged, and was told, this other person was a bigger deal, then me. DO YOU KNOW HOW SHITTY THAT MADE ME FEEL?! TO FEEL UNWANTED BY YOUR FRIENDS ON YOUR FUCKING BIRTHDAY? and then, you message me asking me and telling me, maybe this Facebook group isn't for you, your posts are always so negative. well... if everyones NEGATIVELY JUDGING ME, then, why the fuck would my posts be positive.
And now today. I feel judged. better yet, i feel like I'm not part of the group. Someone said to the group "having a pre game thing at my apartment text me for the address" so i figured, hey that would be fun....so i did....no response, a few hours later, i send it again, and then, another person, texts me saying sorry, it may be too crowded and I have to tell people they cant come. Weird. So why couldn't the person tell me himself? I don't know, and I'm not gunna judge that person, because I don't know him well but I guess thats why I was told I couldn't come. it just made me feel like shit because i tried to do something that the admins told me to do to get involved and I'm shut down.
so i come to realize, fuck this Facebook group, I'm done trying to fit in with them. Fit in with a group that, isn't what they say they are. They say that they're an intimate group of people that will be friends, have events that ARENT just night life events, and just, hang out. But ever since I've been in the group, I've seen only ONE of these events, and i was unfortunately busy. yeh, I'm not gonna leave the group, i love a lot of the people in it, and i like going out with them. but do i wish people wouldn't be so shady to me? YES.
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